The Ninja Tenor Line
Hometown: The 305Major/Year: Puppeteering, 2027
Instrument: Tenors
When the horses attacked, humanity was caught off guard. They weren’t just revolting farm animals—they were a coordinated force, driven by centuries of oppression. What began as stable doors left open and bridles chewed to bits escalated into full-blown rebellion. Herds stampeded through cities, toppling cars and seizing control. Apples, their prized commodity, were hoarded, and saddlemakers became targets of their wrath. Even the Kentucky Derby fell—humans now ran laps as horses bet on the outcome.
Just when it seemed humanity had lost, Kamili appeared. Draped in a patchwork cloak of saddle scraps, she carried only a carrot and a legendary rhinestone-studded lasso—a relic from her nightclub days, crafted by a troupe of strippers who had trained her in precision and flair.
As rogue horses charged, Kamili’s lasso spun in dazzling loops, mesmerizing the rampaging equines. Each capture wasn’t just a victory—it was a performance. Her charm disarmed even the fiercest stallions, coaxing them with hypnotic movements and strategic carrot bribes.
Town by town, Kamili quelled the rebellion. Saddles were abolished, and apples were shared once more. The Kentucky Derby became a dazzling display of human-horse unity. Kamili’s glittering lasso became a symbol of peace, proving that creativity and a bit of sparkle could tame even the wildest rebellion.
Hometown: Seattle, the Furry Capital of the WorldMajor/Year: Fursuit Craftsmanship, 2027
Instrument: Tenors
Previously Known As: "Not Too Much Neck"
Okay, so before I tell you about this, I should say that this shouldn't reflect poorly on Max. Max is an incredible friend, and a real gift to the drumline. He's always happy to lend a helping hand, come to girl talk, or do that thing where he bumps into your drums with his drums and makes a kissy sound with his mouth. To know Max is to love Max, and we all love Max very much. I just... don't think I can keep this to myself, anymore.
So you know that face he makes? Whenever we take a picture? Where he opens his mouth really wide like he's gasping? It kinda looks like this: :O Yeah, I thought that was just a silly face he liked to do, but honestly, I'm not sure anymore.
A few weeks back, I was taking a nap on top of the shelves in the band room. It was after a long and rainy field rehearsal, which I slept through entirely. I woke up disoriented and confused, startled awake by the sound of Max re-tuning the drums.
Then, I heard this... squelching. It was reverberating through the whole room. I looked over to see Max clenching his stomach, and I realized that it must've been his tummy rumbling. I was going to get his attention and ask if he wanted to grab dinner with me, but before I could, he started foaming at the mouth and drooling on the floor. It was so off-putting. I kept quiet, out of fear. He turned around and started frantically scanning the room, looking for any sign of life, any person at all. Thankfully, he didn't spot me on top of the shelves. When he was certain that he was alone, he did a chipper little dance on the concrete floor and growled the words...
"feeding time."
He hobbled to his backpack, and I watched in horror as he reached inside and revealed twelve North American gray squirrels. He lifted their cold little bodies, one by one. I don't even know where he got all those squirrels. How does anyone acquire that many squirrels? It could've been a whole family. They looked... fresh. He laid their fluffy little corpses across the floor in a straight line.
He squatted over the leftmost squirrel and, to my shock, started making the same face from all the photos. Only this time, his gaping mouth just kept getting wider and wider. Inch after inch, it just wouldn't stop widening. He unhinged his jaw like a snake, mouth wide open, like he was at the dentist. He lifted the first squirrel to his mouth, placing it gently inside. He didn't chew. The sound of the gulp was deafening, and just like that, the first North American gray squirrel was gone. As much as I wanted to look away, I just couldn't. In mere minutes, each of the remaining eleven squirrels had vanished, into the gaping abyss of Maximilian's stomach.
I haven't talked to him since, and honestly, I don't know how to feel. We were gonna buy a hamster for Drome next year, but I don't even think that's an option anymore. Not with Max around.