The Badass Bass Line

Hometown: Pittsburgh, PA
Major/Year: Woodworking, 2020
Instrument: Bass
Previously Known As: "You're The Man, Clumps", "Funkin' in the Bunk", "That's a Sin!"
It is made of smooth, cool cedar wood. You can still smell the scent of the sturdy tree that lent its flesh to the creation of this most beautiful device. It reminds you of the great forests of your homeland. A fresh perfectly applied coat of subdued yellow calms you. It's like the warm glow of sunshine though the large delicate pedals of sunflowers. The front is ground down to the most perfect point. Beautifully symmetrical, and sharper than the blade of the knife of the best chef in the Northern Hemisphere. The back is just soft enough to be gentle, but is tough enough to do real work. The ideal balance, really. It has that perfect hexagonal body that a honeycomb could only dream of. It has sophistication in its simplicity. It has majesty in its versatility.
It is the most perfect object in my possession.
Be jealous fools.


Hometown: North East, Maryland
Major/Year: ILR, 2021
Instrument: Bass
Previously Known As: "Time To Lube Up", "I Miss My Codine"
These tarts are made for poppin
As much as ass is made for chompin
I came to drumline for some bangin
Oh please don’t leave me hangin
My home is the theater
What am I doing oh dear


Hometown: Squaaaaaaaaaaaw Valley, CA
Major/Year: ILR, 2021
Instrument: Bass
Previously Known As: "brrraaap"
Marching in Cornell on a Snowy Morning

Whose drum this was I think I know.
They’ve long since graduated, though;
They will not hear me playing here
Keeping the beat with rhythmic blow.
My folks back home must think it queer
That I should join the drumline here
Far above a frozen lake
Where winter lasts almost a year.

I give the thermostat a shake
To see if there’s been some mistake.
Outside the snow is piled deep
And wiser men are not awake.
The slope is icy, tall, and steep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to march before I sleep,
And miles to march before I sleep.


Hometown: Fort Lauderdale, FL
Major/Year: Arts & Snobbery, 2022
Instrument: Bass
Previously Known As: "Allergic To The Cold"
Does Marissa Gailitis is Bass Drum?

Marissa Gailitis is bass drum is the most discussed in the band in the few years ago. Even it has happened in 2018, but some of the band still curious about what is exactly happening and to be the reason there is a rumor comes out about her drum. At that time she became the massive listserv rumor. The Cornell, especially her friends are shocked. She just came out with her bad rumor which is spread massively. This time is not about her college experience, but her bad rumor. The rumor is out of standardize of hoax, according the last reported this Cornell revealed herself as drummer. Do you still believe or not, this rumor is really much talked by people even in a person of her friends.

This rumor comes out to the public and to be sub news topic in the Denice A. Cassaro Community Connection. According to a Daily Sun report, she makes the confession that she is a bass drum. Believe or not, but at this time she said that confession, it was Sunday, 1st April which is called as April mob or April fool’s day. At that moment she also talked well that she did not make a joke.

She just said that “The timing is bad, I had not realized that it was April mob, but it has been pointed out, of myself, I do not want to go too public with this”, as mentioned in Daily Sun report she just said. The word of two public makes some people curios in the major, she was incredibly sad and ashamed of her confession. She is a talented academic and arts major, but everything can be ruined rapidly with the rumor that Marissa Gailitis is Bass Drum.

ZOZZ is already smashed with the rumor which is hung on their mind. The rumor became the trending topic on Groupme at that time. Especially trumpet friends, they are really disappointed of her confession of drum.

However, everything goes well, as normal as the first time because she came back with her new confession that the rumor was a lie. In fact, Marissa Gailitis is success to tricked lots of people and made her as the trending topic for campus. Marissa Gailitis is bass drum is just a hoax.

If it is happening for real and Marissa Gailitis is bass drum for sure, her grades might be terrible in the future. Unfortunately, the professors are already criticized in the media that give a confession as a bass drum in her bright academic career is a big fault and to be a bass drum is a bad thing to be exposed in the media.

In fact, she is not a bass drum and she admires silence as the beautiful thing in the world. Now, everything is clear enough that this is not true about Marissa Gailitis is bass drum.


Hometown: Roslyn Heights, NY
Major/Year: Scotland, 2022
Instrument: Bass
Previously Known As: "Big Mac Cheesy Supreme"
Once upon a time I was walking the streets of New York City- a little known city not far from where I grew up. I was only four, however I had been taught that as long as I didn’t talk to strangers and kept my money in my inside pocket I would be fine. So I took to the streets, looking for my chance to make it in the big city and for reasonably priced street food. I was walking down 32nd street when I was called down by a man. He was scruffy, with popping eyes but a sincere smile. He looked kinda messy but I was not one to judge on first sight. This was when I broke my first rule. He called me over, asked if I had any spare change. This was when I broke my second rule. I reached into my inside pocket and pulled out the fifty dollars I had been given for a my ride home.

I gave him half, knowing I wouldn’t need it all. Upon extending my hand he grabbed me and pulled me close. He said “Never change, TJ, always be this way. Always.” He laid a scratchy fatherly kiss upon my forehead (not weird) and let me go. It wasn’t until I had exited the ally that I had realized my other $25 was gone. Eh, he probably needed it more anyways.

This is the true story of how I met Bernie Sanders.


Hometown: Unknown
Major/Year: New Age Electronic Dance Performance, 2023
Instrument: Bass
Okay, if you want to hear a real story, I’ll tell you about the time I went to Space. It was a crisp morning in Fall, 2019. I was walking around [REDACTED] before the Cornell vs. [REDACTED] football game with some members of the BRMB Drumline. There was a couple of hours before we started parading, so we decided to check out the county fair.

There were carnival games, live music, every kind of fried food you can possibly think of, and massive carnival rides. Pop Tart, the section leader at the time, suggested we go on the Slingshot as a group. I didn't feel great about it, but what is college for if not trying new things?

The rides before us seemed to go off without a problem. The ride was old and likely should have been torn down a while ago, but it seemed safe enough. I am the first in line (for some reason), so the attendant clips me into the car first. That’s when the disco hit “Funky Town” starts blasting on the park speakers. The drumline ALWAYS dances to “Funky Town”. They started moving their arms around violently. Before the operator realized what was happening, the first instrumental break hit and the entirety of the Cornell Big Red Drumline jumps into the air and lands on that old ride at the same time. The safety bolt snapped, and I was launched into orbit.

I'm a shooting star, in a car like a geyser. Defying the laws of gravity! I'm in a racing car passing by, like a college driver. I'm gonna go go go, there’s no stopping me!

I'm burning through the sky at two hundred degrees, that's why they call me Misses Fahrenheit. I'm traveling at the speed of light. I wanna make a super soft landing real soon.

I was actually having some fun at this point, then gravity kicked in. “Don't stop me now! I'm having such a good time! Don't stop me now!” If you wanna have a good time, just don’t let me fall. “Don't stop me now, 'cause I'm having a good time. Don't stop me now.” Yes, I was havin' a good time. “I don't want to stop at all.”

I pass out and dream I’m a rocket ship on my way to Mars, on a collision course. I am a satellite, I'm out of control. I am a carnival machine hurtling toward the Earth. Like an atom bomb about to explode.

I had myself a real good time. I felt alive. And the world, it flipped upside down, while I floated around in ecstasy.


Hometown: Jackson, New Jersey
Major/Year: Engineering Physics, 2023
Instrument: Bass
I was conceived on a bus born in Jackson, New Jersey, the worst state in the nation but I have lived in Ponte Vedra, Florida, the worst part of the worst state for the past six years. I love my girlfriend (sorry ladies tickets to ride the Dre Train are sold out), food (especially McDonald’s, but any fast food restaurant will do), spacing out, eating kale, pumpkin spice lattes, early morning walks up to North, ORANGES, stretching in nothing but a jock-strap and a fake handlebar mustache, getting rock-hard while climbing, going to the nude beach, having fun (If you know what I mean;)), and doing math and physics that’s why I don’t have time to do all the things I’ve crossed out my major is Engineering Physics. When I grow up, I want to become a jaguar. Like an actual jaguar. I am the true Florida Man and all the other Florida Men aspire to be me. I have marched four seasons of marching band and four of indoor percussion and I mastered the ancient art of doing it wherever and whenever I want and there is nothing I love more. Deuces.


Hometown: Hope, Arkansas
Major/Year: Inspirational Speech-Writing, 2023
Instrument: Bass
Good afternoon. Optimism means different things to different people. I’ve read a lot of quotes and they all seem to have a different perspective. Some have been inspiring, while others seems a little, strange. Like this one by Vaclav Haval, “Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the convictions that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something will make sense, regardless of how it turns out.” This is one of the more inspiring ones. This other one by Oscar Wilde seems strange to me. I quote “Optimism is sheer terror.” Strange right? Well, for me optimism is looking at the bright side of things. An optimistic person can see beauty in a trash dump, and I admire people who are like that. It’s a gift most people don’t have.

Optimists think this is the best possible world. That everything that happens, turns out in the best possible way. For example, if you have no money and you’re living on the street with your family, you’d feel like you’re the luckiest person in the world to have your family with you. You can see the good side even in the darkest hours.

This year I tried out for select chorus. I didn’t make it. Then I tried out for the play. I didn’t make it. Then stage crew and set crew. I hadn’t made anything but I really love singing and acting so I kept trying. Every time I was rejected. I’m going to keep trying and hopefully, at least once, I’ll make it in.

I think there should be more optimistic people in the world. Especially with the economy problems. Always have a back-up plan. But if you don’t figure out what you do have. Whether it’s pets, family, or even something simple like a radio. I know everyone has SOMETHING to be happy about.

So the next time your car breaks down, look at the bright side. At least you’re not in the desert starving right? So come together and tell yourself this is the best possible world.