The Commonwealth of Cymbals

Hometown: Texas (Roadhouse)
Major/Year: Conspiracy Theories, 2027
Instrument: Cymbals

For centuries, people have tried to convince us that Helen Keller was real. I've spent years investigating this conspiracy. I've read books. I've watched documentaries. I've listened to people explain the "evidence" over and over again. Every answer just led to more questions.

Why does everyone have the exact same story? Why is nobody willing to question it? Why do they always get weirdly defensive when I bring it up? Eventually, I decided to stop listening to historians and start following the facts. Every lead pointed to the same place.

Wegmans.

Knowing that any form of transportation could've been compromised by Big Helen Keller, I made the journey entirely on foot. When I arrived, I went deep into the store. I was getting close. Then I saw it. Hidden behind “It’s A Boy!” balloons.

The Truth.

At this point, Hayley's handwriting becomes difficult to read. The next several pages consist primarily of underlined question marks, crude diagrams of what appears to be a Wegmans employee, and the phrase "They can't hide forever" written forty-three times in different colored pens. Witnesses say Hayley stared into the distance for several minutes before quietly whispering, "I knew it."

To this day, historians remain divided. Hayley continues making regular pilgrimages to Wegmans in hopes of recovering whatever forbidden knowledge she uncovered that day. Big Helen Keller can’t silence her yet.

Hometown: Bison, NY
Major/Year: Woodwind -> Drumline Pipeline, 2027
Instrument: Cymbals
Previously Known As: "Too Small To Have A Person Inside"

BREAKING NEWS: FAMOUS DANCER GOES MISSING

Alert: It was said that dance Kit West was not seen at auditions for the upcoming production of Swan Lake. With her skills she was expected to be placed in the role of White Swan. Now producers are scrambling to find a replacement.

Members of the BRMB Guard say her dance skills will be hard to replace and that they are willing to take out their sabers and rifles to fight if that means getting her back.

It is rumored that she may have been kidnapped by the Columbia Drumline. We have interviewed a few members of the group but none seem willing to admit to the crime. Everytime we ask about evidence found around Drome we are met with dodgey answers. For example, when asked about the K stocking, an anonymous member of the drumline responded “thats for Kir”... an obvious lie seeing as Kir’s Hanukah stocking was displayed proudly on the wall.

Friends of Kit say she will be dearly missed. One member noted “Her crafting skills were just incredible, and her baking too… man, I will miss her fudge… damn… I cant get her fudge again can I?” She then went on to rant about how she will miss her fudge for another 20 minutes...

The current reward for Kit’s safe return is $1,024… maybe the amount will convince the drumline to give her back… though this outcome is unlikely.

Hometown: Barton Hall Basketball Court
Major/Year: Dog Sitting, 2027
Instrument: Cymbals
Previously Known As: "Finished On Veteran's Day"

*CLASSIFIED* - THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT HAS BEEN ALTERED TO HIDE THE IDENTITY OF EMPLOYEE #10-24

Hi, my name is Miles Yacharee Morales. I am Spiderman a first-generation sophomore studying Quantum Physics Biology and Society in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. I am from East Harlem Manhattan, New York, and attended Brooklyn Vision Academy, a small charter high school. When I wasn't in class, you could find me saving New York playing sports like basketball or volleyball, or spray painting the city lying in bed watching Netflix.

Before coming to Cornell, I explored the multiverse I had never played an instrument before. Yet, I joined The Arachnid Club Big Red Marching Band this past fall semester and have spent the past year webbing everywhere learning music and trying to get back to Earth - 1610 playing the cymbals. I also joined superheroes anonymous, started playing the snare drum in The Big Red Pep Band this semester and was advised to establish a cover as a Guiding Eyes Sitter continued to play cymbals in Cornell's Indoor Drumline. Fighting villains Joining band was something I never expected to do, and I regret doing so but I'm glad I did! I’ve almost died 20 times I've met such a wonderful group of people and that is why I might be late to things have enjoyed every minute of it so far!

Hometown: Nest In That Tree
Major/Year: Feathers, 2028
Instrument: Cymbals

WANTED

Status: Missing (last seen with cymbals)

Charges include, but are not limited to:

Suspected involvement in the targeted elimination of multiple snare members

Authorities report that Elif was last seen participating in a Swan/Crow production in which the Swan was martyred, resulting in immediate and unexplained retaliation against snare leadership. Witnesses blame the forced proximity to the snares for so long for this vendetta.

It is believed she is currently being harbored by the guard who have cited "we don't know what you're talking about" as their official statement.

If located, do NOT approach directly. do not mention crows. do not mention swans. Do not mention the indoor show, AND DO NOT MENTION A CLOAK.

Elif, if you are reading this: please stop. We are begging you. The snares have families. The snares have dreams. Some of them are even pretty good at snare.

Hometown: Ixtal
Major/Year: Spider Taming, 2028
Instrument: Cymbals
Previously Known As: "Furry Fingers"

"Between the Lines"

In Piltover’s streets, the gears all turn,

With every spark, there’s more to learn.

Sisterly dreams, a playful race,

A world of wonder we tried to chase.

The shimmer glows, the skyline shines,

A city alive with endless designs.

Though mischief calls and plans go awry,

We laugh and dream beneath the sky.

Between the lines, adventure waits,

With open doors and twisty fates.

Through ups and downs, we’ll find our way,

The dawn will bring a brighter day.

Hometown: Downtown Taco Bell
Major/Year: Large Containers, 2028
Instrument: Cymbals

People are always giving me weird looks when I order a drink, and I've never understood why. It's a normal-sized beverage. I don't know who started this rumor that drinks are supposed to fit in cup holders or be carried with one hand, but you've all fallen for it. Think about it. You're telling me the human body is mostly water, yet you're perfectly content carrying around what is essentially a damp suggestion? That's what they want.

Every time I walk into a boba shop, the cashier asks if I want "the usual." I tell them no, because the usual wasn't enough yesterday and it definitely won't be enough today. Progress doesn't happen by settling. They disappear into the back for twenty minutes, there's some loud construction noise, someone wheels out a cup roughly the size of a washing machine, and suddenly I'm the weird one? Make it make sense.

The beverage industry has spent decades convincing people that "small," "medium," and "large" are the only sizes that exist. Wake up. Those are the sizes they let beginners order. The real menu is behind the counter. You have to ask confidently enough that they know you're ready. Every shop has one. Why do you think the employees always look at each other before they start making my drink? They're checking to see who's certified to operate the equipment.

People keep insisting my drink is "too large," but I've done the math. If I can still comfortably wrap my arms around it, it's portable. If I can still see the top of it while standing on my tiptoes, it's not that tall. If it still fits through the doorway with only a slight angle adjustment, it's a personal beverage. Those are just objective measurements.

Honestly, I think everyone else is dehydrated. You all walk around with drinks that disappear after a few sips and then have the audacity to question my lifestyle. That's not a drink. That's a garnish. That's a participation trophy for hydration.

One day people will realize I was right all along. They'll stop settling for cups that fit in cup holders and start demanding beverages that require proper lifting technique. Until then, I'll keep asking the cashier the same question I've always asked.

"Can you make it just a little bigger?" They always can.

Hometown: The Wordle Loading Screen
Major/Year: Spanish, 2029
Instrument: Cymbals

I spent the first nine months of my life in a shared womb situation, and I think that permanently changed how I think space works. Like I don’t really believe in empty space anymore. It all has to be doing something.

So now I do Tetris on everything. Not just the game. I mean like grocery bags, chairs, group projects, walking through hallways, even conversations. I will mentally rotate sentences before I say them like I’m trying to get them to fit cleanly into a shape that doesn’t exist. It’s not intentional, it just feels wrong not to optimize it.

Sometimes people tell me I don’t have to do that and I just don’t really believe them. Because somewhere in my brain I’m still trying to win back like half an inch of space that I never actually owned.